last day of my life ("summer soft" by stevie wonder) [june 3rd, 2018]

‘sup suckers.

i’m living the last day of my life as we all know it. if you know about me and this medium (no pun intended) i’ve used to flush out what’s in my mind, you know that i’ve been at a standstill for the better part of 3 years. i’ve cried, smiled, laughed, drank, sulked, loathed, embraced, loved, and appreciated every moment of it.

my grandmother formed a little get-together at her house last night and a great part of my family were there. from little cousins i haven’t seen in years to the matriarch of my paternal side, it felt good to have that system around me. i don’t have events like that and to be honest, everyone should be around their family more often. the reason behind the event is the air force. i’ll be shipping out tuesday morning but i’m leaving monday morning, from new brunswick to cherry hill, new jersey to philadelphia to san antonio, texas for a little under 6 months. it’ll be the hardest thing i will encounter in my life but it’s a great move, i believe.

i was born in newark, new jersey and raised in the counties of essex and middlesex, respectively. i’ve been in new jersey my whole life. i remember days in rahway, scotch plains, plainfield, edison, piscataway, bridgewater, raritan, irvington, elizabeth, linden, newark, and of course my hometown, east orange. the past two or three years have been what you would call a love-hate relationship with new jersey but when i leave to go to texas, i know i’ma be homesick. so so so homesick. i never stepped out of the garden so to be in TEXAS? i’ll be sad but it’ll wear off. it’s just a big adjustment going from a chopped cheese or a bacon egg & cheese from the bodega with the bachata playing and the cheshire cat on the shelves, to… in my mind… heat. DRY HEAT. like god just breathing on your neck for 6 months. beef brisket sandwiches. a whole lot more white people. it’s gonna be a big change of scenery which is something i always wanted (and needed). my father actually told me to bring no white women home which seemed like a joke to everyone in the event but we all knew that he was DEAD SERIOUS. it’s not a hate thing. we just love being black and we love black people.

some of my friends were at the event also. my brother mello marc was there with savvy the savior and my man fredo and they were with me, enjoying the festivities. at the end of the event, the litty boyz came and that made my night to be honest. that’s the team. my best friends were around my family and it was all love. i’m actually on the way to marc’s house now. i finished packing and i’m literally just gonna enjoy this last day.

oh yeah, i’m writing a book while i’m down there. i don’t know how i’ma do it. i might have to write it with a pen. i don’t write with a pen. that just might be the most millenial thing i’ve ever said but i am writing some type of book this year. i guess this is the replacement for music until i graduate basic training. musically, i’m still in tune. i’ll never stop making music. i just gotta stay away from it so i can grow and when i come back to it, it’ll be a better situation. i’ve been listening to the new kanye west album, ‘sex and food’ by unknown mortal orchestra, pusha-t’s new album, john coltrane, radiohead, project pat and three 6 mafia, and some other things. i’ll forever be indebted to music. i’m just taking a break from making it. in terms of design, i’ll be doing that on my downtime. soon enough, i’ll be into that, literature (the book), music, and for the longest, i’ve always thought that i should get into film. with research, study and hard work, i think i can write a nice screenplay or even act in some movies. my memory is nuts and the creativity is better sometimes. i think i can do it. in due time.

so yeah. it’s june 3rd, 2018 and i’m almost there. this is the khumbu icefall phase. the khumbu icefall is this huge obstacle you have to get over when climbing everest and it’s infamous for its difficulty. i mean the whole task of climbing the tallest mountain in the world is arduous in its own right but this icefall in particular is the game boss. it’s bowser in super mario. it’s devil may cry in dante must die mode. it’s nothing to be played with. so in other words, i’ve climbed the majority of this mountain and what i’ll be witnessing this summer is the icefall, metaphorically. we all know what’s gonna happen too. i’ma overcome it and put the flag (and some other things) on the summit. it’ll be the american flag, the flag of new jersey and a donut, for j dilla.

so yeah. life is changing. my hands hurt. listen to “violent crimes” by kanye. there’s these jimmy jam and terry lewis kinda chord progressions in the song that are absolutely amazing. yeah i know he supports trump. i know. we’re all f**ked up. deal with it. besides, i wanted to hear it. he was buggin’ for that slavery comment but… it’s kanye west. i wanted to hear the album. he made “so appalled”. “heard ‘em say”. “we major”. “street lights”. “can’t tell me nothing”. i love the guy.